Reading through thousand of self help books and going through parenting classes is not what makes you a good parent. Sure, it shows that you really do wish to be a good parent to your kid and are trying to make a move in the correct direction. Still inadvertently, often budding parents take a wrong turn which ends up ruining lives. Just knowing your alphabets is not the way to go. You also need to know how to spell words and frame them into a perfect sentence.
1. Understand that All Work and No Play Makes Jack a Dull Boy
Education is vital, discipline is important, but there is also some need to have fun, to sweat out all the tension and just breath. Usually under their weight of all the books in the bag and a timetable filled with coaching classes and extra-classes, the kids begin to lose their individuality. They end up bereft of independent thinking, become dependent, live an unhealthy life and all in all fail in the rush of the world. Playing is important. Both video games and field games. If they wish to dance, let them, but if they do not wish to jiggle their waist and split their legs, do not force them to.
2. Spend Time with Them
Here is the thing. Money can not buy love. Money is not the cure for loneliness. A kid wants toys, but it needs your love as well as time. The faster you realize the fact, the better. It does not mean they want you there all the time or need you fighting their battles for them. It also does not mean that you think for themselves. It means that you play with them, teach them a particular subject, joke with them and like, just chill with them.
3. Sex education
Give a middle finger to the concept of stork fetching kids. Tell them the reality of the world: reproduction. They will thank you for it later in life when the girls bleed and boys get a cockroach shoved in their vocal chords. Tell the boys that girls bleed and it is nothing to be disgusted about. Tell them the importance of condom. Tell them that pads are not something to hold pee, but rather to prevent things from getting bloody. Tell them and save them from a probable ruined future. Not telling them is a sure way of ruining their future.
4. Heart to Heart
The above point takes us to another point. Converse with your kids. Lack of proper communication between kids is a sure way to create misunderstandings. Conversation through the mouth are a huge way to learn about each other. Tell kids about your problem and learn about their problem. This will build trust. So, in case your kid gets bullied, she knows she has someone to lean back on.
5. Do not be a leech
You do not need to have details about everything that goes in their life, stalking them to such a point where things get too damn uncomfortable. Privacy is just as important to them as it is to you. Same goes for space. It does not matter if you believe it or not. There are things they think you should not know. Respect them. But you should also know when to intervene. If you see them coming home with bruises, you really should not think about space and privacy. But if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to educate your kids about safe sex and boundaries. Boundaries which you should know how to respect as well. Knock on their door when you enter, give them time to pull up their skirts and change the website on their laptop. Do them a favor and refrain from checking the history of their laptop. Do not follow them.
6. Do Not Compare
It does not matter if the other child dances and your child write. Stop hounding them. Stop telling them they are dumb just because they are not as good as others. Rather than telling them they are not better than others, tell them to improve for the better. It is important they become a better version of themselves, not a version of the others.
7. Worry If You are a Bad Parent
According to a lot of parents, they are good parents. You might be a good parent to yourself, but are you a good parent to your kids? A good parent often questions their ability. They wish for their flaws, not to affect their kids, they wish to be a better version of themselves for their kids, they change themselves according to the needs of kids and continuously question: am I really a good parent?
8. Objectifying their kids
Honestly, it should not matter whether the mom gets the kid or the pop. What matters is whether the kid is happy. If you fail to understand this… then seriously, you need to question your priorities. To make it clear, it does not mean that you sacrifice your happiness for the sake of the kids. It is alright to separate but joint custody over the kid (until and unless the other is a really bad parent) is the way to go. A peaceful separation is the best! Do not use your kid to get a one up over your spouse. They are not trophies. They are people with emotions, feelings and thoughts. Not a tool to fuel your ego.
9. Being abusive
If your kid makes a mistake, do you raise your hands on her? Congrats. You are abusive. Do you shout at your kid when they mistake? Congrats again. When you do both of these things, you are instigating in them ‘I am no good’ believer. You attack their self-esteem. Think about it. Police use their sticks on criminal. Are your kids criminal? There are tears flowing down their eyes. Are they tears of happiness? How did you feel when your parents used a cane on you? Did you feel bliss? Until you are a masochist, you probably did not.
You see? Being a working mother does not mean you are a bad parent. Ignorance is. Stop being ignorant now!